Some of the most significant conversations we have are with ourselves.
Think about it – that inner voice is running commentary all day long. It’s the first thing we hear when we wake up, the last thing before we sleep, and everything in between. We take ourselves everywhere we go.
Our internal dialogue doesn’t just happen to us – it’s having an impact on us, positive or negative. It influences how we see ourselves, how we interpret challenges, and ultimately how we show up in the world. And it also determines how we allow others to treat us too.
It’s only when we become conscious of that inner voice and start cultivating a more supportive, compassionate dialogue with ourselves that everything changes. When we start to take better care of ourselves, we naturally start setting boundaries that let others know how we expect to be treated too.
Real self-care isn’t bubble baths and green smoothies – although they’ll do you no harm – it’s from the inside out, not the outside in, that really makes the radical difference.
That inner voice also limits our joy if we let it. From the simple stuff – like being nominated for an award (“I’m not worthy!”) – to the really heavy stuff, where we might even find ourselves in crisis (“I’m weak. I’m a burden. I’m ashamed.”)
It shows up when we make mistakes.
When we’re struggling.
When we feel invisible, or undervalued.
When someone overlooks us or treats us poorly – and instead of calling it out, we wonder if maybe we deserved it.
Just last week I forgot to renew my road tax.
Now, not exactly a massive drama – but straight away, that voice piped up:
“See? Told you. Can’t even manage your own life. Maybe your ex was right after all.” 😜
And boom – straight back into old narratives, without even thinking.
The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.
So, what can you do to shift that voice from critical to compassionate?
Here are a few grounded ways to start:
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Catch it in the act – Next time that voice kicks in with “you’re useless” or “you should be doing better,” pause and ask: Would I say this to someone I cared about? If not, try rephrasing it. Even a small shift counts.
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Get curious – Instead of beating yourself up for making a mistake (forgetting to pay the road tax for example!) – try asking: What’s really going on here? Am I tired? Overloaded? Expecting too much of myself again?
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Call out the old scripts – If that voice sounds suspiciously like a critical parent, an ex, or a past boss, name it. “Thanks for your opinion, but I’m not taking advice from that voice today.”
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Talk to yourself like you would your best mate – If your friend rang you saying she forgot her road tax or was having a wobble, you wouldn’t call her a mess. You’d reassure her, you’d remind her that she has got a lot on her plate at the moment and you would tell her it’s OK to be human. You deserve that too.
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Celebrate your tiny wins – Seriously. Drank your water today? Got through a hard moment? Didn’t throttle the idiot in traffic? That counts. Acknowledge it. You’re doing better than you think.
Sometimes the most important conversations we have are the ones we never say out loud.
So again – what would change if you spoke to yourself the way you’d speak to someone you truly care about?
Start there. That’s where radical self-care really begins. Without compassion there is no care and no amount of bubble baths will fix that!